Stupid Alvin

        #1 for songs that are annoying to hear at least twice in one night when you're traveling alone, it's prohibitively expensive to call home, and you haven't found any English-speaking travelers to hang out with: this mix of Alvin the chipmunk singing "lonely, I'm so lonely, I've got nobody to call my own..." with rap in the background. So, having biked 50+ miles from Ubatuba to Sao Sebastiao, laid on the metal floor of the ferry to Ilha Grande, and lounged around a nice hotel room for the remainder of the day, I'm now feeling a bit lonely. Let's see: reading "Property Management for Dummies" is a little dull, Cartoon Network in Portugese makes no sense to me, and I've already gone online and bought some expensive gadget I don't need. I know: I'll drink some more beer and contemplate life. So, here it is: 50 things I'd really like to do before becoming worm food. Realistic or not, I better get at least half of these done:
        1. get a pilot's license
        2. get a scuba license
        3. drive over 200 miles per hour
        4. bike over 50 miles per hour
        5. learn to meditate
        6. climb Corcovado's K2 route solo, without falling or cheating
        7. climb Everest without a sherpa
        8. climb El Capitan, Yosemite; no cheating or falling here, either
        9. complete an Ironman triathlon faster than at least 1 finisher who's younger than me
        10. go into outer space
        11. get and stay married for love
        12. have > 1 kid, because 1 is putting all your eggs in one basket:)
        13. raise said kids to be better than me in every way
        14. not have to worry about money
        15. be able to tell my family that they don't have to worry about money
        16. get in a fair fight for a good reason and kick somebody's ass
        17. get my ass kicked in a fight
        18. start something entirely new, preferably an extreme sport, business, slang, or any combination of the aforementioned
        19. have close friends agree that i1m one of the craziest and smartest people they know
        20. debate someone I think is an idiot on national television and win
        21. turn down a very large bribe
        22. stay close with 10 close friends of no relation to me for more than a decade each
        23. never act my age
        24. become truly fluent in another language
        25. play a crucial role in a candidate winning an important political post
        26. swim to and from Alcatraz Island in the same day
        27. jump off something huge with just one of those massive suicide-prevention air mattress things to break my fall
        28. get listed in the Guinness Book of World Records
        29. mentor someone
        30. write something a lot of people read, debate, and care about
        31. leave the world a better place than I found it
        32. go BASE jumping
        33. fly a helicopter
        34. never let people call me "Mr." anything
        35. give a speech that makes over 1,000 people laugh, cry, and laugh so hard that they cry
        36. bike a double century (200 miles) in a day
        37. become much more humble
        38. become more patient
        39. maintain and improve my mind and body
        40. have a beer with a Nobel laureate
        41. thank the important teachers I've had
        42. build a house that I'd want to live in (or at least a cabin with net access)
        43. succeed when everybody thinks I'll fail
        44. fail when everybody thinks I'll succeed
        45. not care what everybody thinks
        46. drink really good champagne with people I love, toasting every glass, until we can't remember what we're toasting
        47. push myself harder than I think I can
        48. have a pet monkey
        49. do something worthy on Antarctica
        50. go over Niagara Falls
        And then I go back to the hotel and listen to Chuck Pahluniak's latest book, "Haunted," on tape while watching muted Portuguese Cartoon network and drinking a beer called Bohemia.

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